INEC Alleges Atiku Abubakar Bought “Fake” African Democratic Congress on the Political Black Market
Abuja — Nigeria’s electoral umpire, Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC), has raised serious concerns after uncovering what it describes as “a suspicious political transaction” involving former Vice President Atiku Abubakar and a group of…
After Betraying Jesus, Judas Iscariot Blows 30 Pieces of Silver on “Sure” 3-Odds Bet
Jerusalem – Local disciple-turned-betrayal Judas Iscariot has reportedly squandered all 30 pieces of silver on a three-odds SportyBet ticket that “looked very sure.” Eyewitnesses say Judas, still clutching his now-infamous payout, was seen pacing…
After “Delivering” Nationwide Darkness, Adebayo Adelabu Exits Power Ministry, Eyes Oyo State Governorship with Promise of Light
Nigeria’s Minister of Power, Adebayo Adelabu, has officially announced his retirement after successfully delivering on his core mandate: ensuring that Nigeria remains in a state of uninterrupted darkness. Speaking at a dimly lit press conference powered,…
BREAKING: APC Sets Up 100-Man Committee to “Remember” Everything Rabiu Musa Kwankwaso Ever Did
Abuja—In what insiders have described as a “national emergency of selective memory,” the All Progressives Congress (APC) has reportedly constituted a 100-man special committee tasked with urgently excavating the past of former Kano State Governor, Rabiu…
Atiku Promises Peter Obi Special Adviser on Media Role
In what political analysts are already calling “the most generous offer since free Wi-Fi at campaign rallies,” former Vice President Atiku Abubakar has reportedly promised Peter Obi a “very juicy” role as Special Adviser on Media—on the condition that…
BREAKING: Global Health Study Finds 99% of “Obidiots” Test Positive for Zombie Virus
In what experts are calling “a deeply concerning but somehow unsurprising discovery,” a new study released yesterday has revealed that over 99% of individuals identified as “Obidiots” have tested positive for a previously unknown strain of the zombie…
Apple Set to Launch iPhone 18, Promises “Noticeable, Slightly Different” Experience
CUPERTINO — In what industry experts are calling “a bold continuation of careful consistency,” Apple Inc. has officially announced the upcoming release of the iPhone 18, confidently assuring customers that this year’s model will be “slightly different…
Local Pro-Israel Christian Man in Shock After Discovering 99% of Israelis Dont Give A F**k About Jesus
In a shocking realisation, a devout pro-Israel Christian man, Mr. Chinedu Okafor, was reportedly left in complete shock after discovering that the overwhelming majority of Israelis do not give a fuck about Jesus Christ. Mr. Okafor, who has spent years…
BREAKING NEWS: Sani Abacha Expresses Deep Disappointment as “All the Money I Sent Home Has Been Looted”
Former Head of State, Sani Abacha, has reportedly expressed shock and disappointment that billions of dollars he “faithfully wired back to Nigeria over the years” have been completely embezzled. Speaking from an undisclosed afterlife location via a shaky…
BREAKING: Thousands of Rats Storm Aso Rock, Demand Inclusion in National Budget
Abuja — Thousands of rats reportedly invaded the Presidential Villa at Aso Rock early Tuesday morning, forcing security personnel into what eyewitnesses described as “a tactical retreat fueled by pure panic and mild screaming.” The rodents, believed to…
