Pluto Drags Humanity to Court Over “Planet Demotion,” Demands Emotional Damages
Kuiper Belt, Outer Solar System — In a stunning legal escalation that has sent shockwaves across the cosmos, Pluto has officially filed a lawsuit against humanity at the Galactic Supreme Court, alleging “defamation of planetary character, emotional…
Local Man who Promised “Just the Tip” Ended Up Sliding Everything In
What began as a modest, carefully worded assurance has spiraled into what analysts are now calling “a complete breakdown of boundary governance.” A local man, identified simply as Tunde, is at the center of a growing social controversy after allegedly…
After Betraying Jesus, Judas Iscariot Blows 30 Pieces of Silver on “Sure” 3-Odds Bet
Jerusalem – Local disciple-turned-betrayal Judas Iscariot has reportedly squandered all 30 pieces of silver on a three-odds SportyBet ticket that “looked very sure.” Eyewitnesses say Judas, still clutching his now-infamous payout, was seen pacing…
Local Pro-Israel Christian Man in Shock After Discovering 99% of Israelis Dont Give A F**k About Jesus
In a shocking realisation, a devout pro-Israel Christian man, Mr. Chinedu Okafor, was reportedly left in complete shock after discovering that the overwhelming majority of Israelis do not give a fuck about Jesus Christ. Mr. Okafor, who has spent years…
BREAKING NEWS: Sani Abacha Expresses Deep Disappointment as “All the Money I Sent Home Has Been Looted”
Former Head of State, Sani Abacha, has reportedly expressed shock and disappointment that billions of dollars he “faithfully wired back to Nigeria over the years” have been completely embezzled. Speaking from an undisclosed afterlife location via a shaky…
BREAKING: Thousands of Rats Storm Aso Rock, Demand Inclusion in National Budget
Abuja — Thousands of rats reportedly invaded the Presidential Villa at Aso Rock early Tuesday morning, forcing security personnel into what eyewitnesses described as “a tactical retreat fueled by pure panic and mild screaming.” The rodents, believed to…
Newly Married Couples Spend Quality Time Together Bonding With their Phones
In what experts are calling “a revolutionary shift in romance,” newly married couples across the country are reportedly spending more quality time together – by individually bonding with their phones. The trend, now unofficially dubbed Digital…
Investigative journalist David Hundeyin set to publish a 500,000-page book claiming that 99 percent of Nigerians are CIA agents.
In what experts are already calling “the most ambitious investigative project in Nigeria’s history,” Nigerian investigative journalist David Hundeyin has reportedly completed a manuscript for a 500,000-page book claiming that 99% of Nigerians are…
Elon Musk Vows to Marry a Nigerian Girl as He Starts Hunting for One
Billionaire tech entrepreneur and owner of Tesla Motors and X, Elon Musk, has said he is seriously considering marrying a woman from Nigeria. He revealed this during a live television interview with CNN. He said that since childhood, he has always loved…
Economic Hardship Pauses Briefly Out of Respect as Bola Ahmed Tinubu Boards Flight to United Kingdom
Nigeria’s ongoing economic hardship reportedly took a brief, dignified pause Monday morning as President Bola Ahmed Tinubu boarded his flight to the United Kingdom for a state visit. Eyewitnesses confirm that inflation, fuel scarcity, and the…