Investigative journalist David Hundeyin set to publish a 500,000-page book claiming that 99 percent of Nigerians are CIA agents.
In what experts are already calling “the most ambitious investigative project in Nigeria’s history,” Nigerian investigative journalist David Hundeyin has reportedly completed a manuscript for a 500,000-page book claiming that 99% of Nigerians are secretly agents of the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA).
The book, tentatively titled “Everyone You Know Works for the CIA (Including Your Auntie That Sells Jollof Rice)”, is expected to be released in multiple formats: hardcover, paperback, audiobook, and a wheelbarrow edition for readers who prefer to move it around physically.
According to sources close to the project, the manuscript includes detailed investigations into suspicious everyday activities such as: neighbors who greet you too early in the morning, people who say “I’m on my way” but arrive two hours later, civil servants who somehow know every government secret but still ask you for transport money.
Hundeyin allegedly claims the evidence is “overwhelming.”
“When 9 out of 10 people say they are ‘just managing,’ that is classic intelligence cover language,” the journalist reportedly wrote in Chapter 18,442. “Also, why do so many Nigerians know somebody that knows somebody in America? Think about it.”
Publishers in Mild Panic
Several publishing houses initially expressed interest before realizing the book would require an entire warehouse per copy. One editor reportedly fainted after calculating that reading the book at a steady pace would take about 95 years without sleep. A spokesperson for an unnamed publisher said: “We admire the dedication, but the table of contents alone is longer than most constitutions.”
Nigerians React
Across the country, reactions have been mixed:
Some citizens welcomed the revelation, saying it explains why their WhatsApp groups are always “monitoring the situation.” Others said they always suspected their uncle who insists on discussing geopolitics during family meetings. A few Nigerians have already begun introducing themselves as “Agent Ade from Mushin Division.”
Meanwhile, market analysts predict the book may become Nigeria’s most unread bestseller, with buyers proudly displaying it on shelves while reading only the first three pages before retirement.
CIA Responds (Sort Of)
When asked about the claim that nearly the entire Nigerian population works for them, a representative of the Central Intelligence Agency reportedly responded:
“If that were true, we would have the best jollof rice intelligence network in the world.”
Upcoming Volume Already Announced
Not stopping there, insiders say Hundeyin is already working on a second volume that will prove that the remaining 1% of Nigerians are undercover supervisors monitoring the other 99%.
The official release date of the book remains unclear, partly because printers are still negotiating whether the project should be classified as literature or infrastructure development.
