Breaking News: Ancient Scroll Found Under Third Mainland Bridge Reveals the Real Owners of Lagos…

LAGOS — In a shocking archaeological discovery that has instantly ended decades of heated tribal debates, a group of construction workers repairing a small crack under the Third Mainland Bridge reportedly discovered an ancient scroll revealing the true founders of Lagos.

According to early translations by experts from the highly respected (and slightly confused) University of Lagos, the scroll clearly states that Lagos was originally founded thousands of years ago by a group of extraterrestrial traders from the planet Lagosia Prime.

The scroll, written in a mixture of ancient symbols and what scholars say looks suspiciously like badly written pidgin English, reportedly reads:

“We arrived here many moons ago, attracted by the strategic traffic chaos and unlimited potential for roadside suya.”

Archaeologists say the alien settlers chose the area because it had three essential qualities: water, land, and the natural ability for traffic to remain permanently locked for hours — a phenomenon they considered “cosmically fascinating.”

Professor Babatunde Adeoye, the lead translator of the scroll, explained the findings.

“The aliens built the first settlements, introduced the concept of aggressive horn blowing, and created the earliest version of Lagos danfo buses. The yellow color, according to the scroll, was chosen because it could be seen clearly from outer space.”

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The discovery has reportedly caused immediate panic across social media, where thousands of people who had spent years arguing over the ownership of Lagos are now unsure whether to argue with aliens.

One Twitter user wrote:

“So after all the shouting, it turns out we are all tenants?”

Another user demanded the government immediately investigate the matter and negotiate with the extraterrestrial landlords before they return to collect thousands of years of unpaid ground rent.

Meanwhile, the Lagos State Government has promised to set up a Judicial Panel on Intergalactic Land Ownership to verify the authenticity of the scroll.

A government spokesperson reassured Lagosians during a press briefing:

“We urge residents to remain calm. Whether the owners are from space or from Earth, Lagos traffic will continue as normal.”

Interestingly, the scroll also contained what historians believe is the original name of Lagos, which translates roughly to: “The City Where Nobody Is From But Everybody Is From.”

As of press time, scientists are still studying the scroll for more clues. However, one final line on the ancient document has already raised serious concern.

It reportedly reads:

“We will return one day… but first we must finish our business in Area 51 and learn how to survive Lagos traffic.”