In what experts are already calling “the end of sweeping compounds for free,” a Nigerian scientist has unveiled a revolutionary machine capable of converting ordinary leaves into spendable cash.
The inventor, identified simply as “Dr. Chuks from somewhere in the East,” revealed the device at a modest press conference held behind his uncle’s house, where a crowd of stunned onlookers watched as dry mango leaves were fed into the machine and emerged as crisp naira notes.
Eyewitnesses report that within minutes, the compound was completely deforested.
“I just came to greet my aunty,” said one witness. “Next thing, they said bring leaves. Before I knew it, I had uprooted her hibiscus plant. This is a life-changing technology.”
According to Dr. Chuks, the machine, code-named EcoMint 1.0, works by “rearranging the economic destiny of photosynthetic materials.” When pressed for further explanation, he adjusted his glasses and added, “It’s science. You won’t understand.”
The announcement has sent shockwaves across the country. Residents have reportedly begun harvesting leaves aggressively, with some already targeting neighbor compounds at night.
In Lagos, a man was caught trying to pluck artificial leaves from a plastic Christmas tree. When questioned, he said, “Let me test it first. Innovation requires sacrifice.”
Meanwhile, the Central Bank has issued a statement urging citizens to remain calm and to “stop attacking innocent trees.” The statement also warned that any attempt to convert leaves without proper licensing would be considered “photosynthetic fraud.”
Economic analysts are divided on the implications. Some believe this could boost Nigeria’s GDP overnight, while others warn of potential inflation.
“If everyone starts producing money from leaves,” one analyst noted, “then money will soon be worth less than the leaves themselves. At that point, we may need a second machine to convert money back to leaves.”
Environmentalists have also raised concerns, warning that the country could face the first-ever “monetary-driven deforestation crisis.”
Back at the unveiling, demand for the machine has skyrocketed, with pre-orders already exceeding supply. Dr. Chuks has assured Nigerians that a premium version is in development, which will be able to convert grass, corn husks, and possibly old NYSC khaki into foreign currency.
As of press time, several politicians have reportedly visited the scientist privately, expressing “keen interest in national development.” One was overheard asking if the machine could work on “dry budget proposals.”
Citizens have been advised to hold onto their leaves, at least until the government decides whether they are now legal tender.
