Local Pro-Israel Christian Man in Shock After Discovering 99% of Israelis Dont Give A F**k About Jesus
In a shocking realisation, a devout pro-Israel Christian man, Mr. Chinedu Okafor, was reportedly left in complete shock after discovering that the overwhelming majority of Israelis do not give a fuck about Jesus Christ. Mr. Okafor, who has spent years…
BREAKING NEWS: Sani Abacha Expresses Deep Disappointment as “All the Money I Sent Home Has Been Looted”
Former Head of State, Sani Abacha, has reportedly expressed shock and disappointment that billions of dollars he “faithfully wired back to Nigeria over the years” have been completely embezzled. Speaking from an undisclosed afterlife location via a shaky…
BREAKING: Thousands of Rats Storm Aso Rock, Demand Inclusion in National Budget
Abuja — Thousands of rats reportedly invaded the Presidential Villa at Aso Rock early Tuesday morning, forcing security personnel into what eyewitnesses described as “a tactical retreat fueled by pure panic and mild screaming.” The rodents, believed to…
BREAKING: National Emergency Declared as Omotola Jalade Ekeinde Asked to “Introduce Herself”
Mild panic swept across sections of the entertainment industry yesterday after veteran Nollywood icon Omotola Jalade Ekeinde reportedly walked out of an interview when asked the now-controversial question: “Can you please introduce yourself?”…
Breaking News: A Nigerian Emerges as The New Ayatollah of the Islamic Republic of Iran
TEHRAN – The Iranian Assembly of Experts announced this morning that Chief (Dr.) Chinedu Al-Bakare, a 54-year-old serial entrepreneur and part-time “Chief Launcher” from Onitsha, has been officially sworn in as the new Ayatollah of the…
Elon Musk Announces 10-Year Plan to Build Highway from Earth to the Moon
In what experts are calling “the boldest traffic congestion solution in human history,” billionaire innovator Elon Musk has officially begun construction of a super highway bridge connecting Earth directly to the Moon. Speaking at a press conference,…
Nigerian Scientist Invents Machine That Converts Leaves to Money
In what experts are already calling “the end of sweeping compounds for free,” a Nigerian scientist has unveiled a revolutionary machine capable of converting ordinary leaves into spendable cash. The inventor, identified simply as “Dr. Chuks from…
Job Opening: Iran Advertises Ayatollah Role With $1m Daily Salary, “Short But Impactful Career Path Guaranteed”
The Islamic Republic of Iran has officially opened applications for the role of Supreme Ayatollah to the general public – no prior experience required, just “strong leadership qualities and a healthy relationship with destiny.” This comes amid…
Newly Married Couples Spend Quality Time Together Bonding With their Phones
In what experts are calling “a revolutionary shift in romance,” newly married couples across the country are reportedly spending more quality time together – by individually bonding with their phones. The trend, now unofficially dubbed Digital…
Investigative journalist David Hundeyin set to publish a 500,000-page book claiming that 99 percent of Nigerians are CIA agents.
In what experts are already calling “the most ambitious investigative project in Nigeria’s history,” Nigerian investigative journalist David Hundeyin has reportedly completed a manuscript for a 500,000-page book claiming that 99% of Nigerians are…